I make lists all the time for Jonathan. Not to do lists, you understand, just lists. Mostly about how awesome he is or how much I love him, or all the things he does for me so that he knows how much I appreciate him.
We are doing a big clean out of the rooms in our house, getting rid of things that have been owning us. You know, the “I’m going to do something with this someday” kind of shit.
He came across one of my lists that he had kept in his studio. It is a “thank you” list for some of the things he does for me that I am thankful for. Among those items was an entry for “supporting me with my bead stuff”.
Now, this list is probably five or six years old by now. All these things on this list are still very relevant. Including that entry. What is different, however, is the “bead stuff” entry. He has successfully brow beat me so that my “bead stuff” is now Weegonza Bazaar. A legitimate avenue for us to pursue our creativity. My “bead stuff” now includes, paper craft, mixed media, silversmithing, lapidary, props, costuming, and metal work. Not to mention, more creativity in my daily life…..you should see my garden!
His support has made it possible for me to get up the guts to actually take the dive, and do this for real. We spent a long time watching our friends do what they loved to do while making money for themselves, working for themselves. For the longest time, I was to afraid of failing. What would I do if I failed. How would that change me in Jonathan’s eyes?
He gave me some good advice: “Fail faster. It’s the only way you’re going to learn.” I didn’t believe him at first. Now I do. I look at it like a piece of jewelry I’m designing. I spend hours designing, fiddling, and moving pieces. When I think it’s the way I want, I put it together. Then, the moment of truth…..sometimes, I hate it. So what do I do? Is there much gnashing of teeth? Tearing of hair? Wailing? Probably not. There is disappointment, yes. Frustration? Certainly. After all that, though, is relief. I can take that piece apart and either re-do it a different way or take out components that don’t work and try something different.
I look at what I’m doing now and I realize that I can apply that to everything I do everyday. I give it my best, work around problems or come up with solutions. The important part is that I love what I’m doing and I love who I’m doing it with. Me and him.
Running your own business is a good way to thicken your skin and boost your self-esteem for sure. You are responsible for what goes in and what comes out. There is no supervisor over your shoulder yammering at you about dead lines, or the company line.
Which is scary and freeing at the same time.
So, thank you Jonathan, for teaching me to fly.